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HISTORY of love winslow

on one end (of the spectrum, of perception) is scrutiny,

our capacity to label, condemn, "decide," or:

JUDGE.

on the opposite end: encouragement,

optimism, an ambiguity that says:

i do not know, but I'd like to imagine:

A GOOD OUTCOME.

it's on us, that's what makes it severely painful,

and so difficult.

the willingness (or lack there of) that any one of us might enjoy: to choose joy

(it is a choice, by the way. anybody wearing a smile, today, has CHOSEN to, has CULTIVATED an internal RESERVOIR of joy--- you know this because you know THE DETAILS, the reality that is: 2025,

there are many reasons to be concerned,

upset,

bothered and then maybe overwhelmed and subsequently: apathetic.

where do we begin? who do we blame?

"none but ourselves can free our mind"

the notion, the "concept" of "heaven" is as accessible now, as ever. mystics, buddhas, and christ himself spoke in great depth on this precise topic-- this nuanced endeavor of introspection.

this radical, defiant stance that cares NOT FOR the material realm, that seeks not to impress, boast, or flaunt--

the internal guidance, and knowingness, of completeness.

the part of you that KNOWS you are here for a reason, that element of your mind WILLING to express GRATITUDE, the part of you that KNOWS you are LUCKY to have BREATH in your LUNGS, today.

the way you don't take shit for granted,

the way you know this is all very special,

unique, and magical...

that's the part of you: TO HARNESS

this part of you does not know, that is where the power comes from.

you see once we "know" we are no longer curious. if I know 2 + 2 = 4 I am not interested in dialogue that tells me it equates to 7, or 5. Once a decision is made, there is no space left in the mind to explore.

When we admit what we don't know, we allow the precipice of potential to pronounce itself--

we stand on a cliff, facing a choice:

do we look down? at the depth, to consider the potential of pain, and loss?

or do we look out? and up?

do we scan the horizon for something new, or assume we know what's out there, already?

if we're curious with ourselves, first, it can be easier to extend that patience, and kindness, to others.

if we can accept, first, that OUR OWN MINDS become clouded, and confused--

when we are able to discuss openly, and confidently, the way we feel when we are afraid:

the scientific FACT that entire REGIONS (multiple, at least two, including the MEMORY CENTER/region) of the brain SHUT DOWN when the mind is traumatized,

or afraid...

we are not thinking clearly, in this state.

we are paranoid, defensive, and closed.

if it is possible, however, to consider: maybe

I do not know

Maybe it would take just as much effort,

to find something to smile about,

as it does to sit here lamenting every socio-political conflict or offense.

Maybe it takes MORE effort, to choose joy.

Maybe it's EASY to label, judge, and condemn. Maybe it allows us to excuse the "lazy" part of ourselves that is not curious, and doesn't want to be.

The brain does burn calories, it requires energy to think. And maybe the thought requisite to COMPREHEND is more than we can handle, so we guess, and don't question our guesses (assumptions).

Maybe this does very little good, and keeps us trapped in the momentum of dull, poor thinking.

Maybe if we challenge ourselves, physically (first) we will recognize that all of reality originates in the mind.

Am I going to jog around the block, today?

If* I am, it will start as an idea. It will require dedication, just enough to focus and devote myself to putting on socks and shoes, preparing myself to DO such a thing--

and this is how ALL of reality, every element of our days, unfolds.

We think, and the quality and/or nature of our thoughts dictates OUR CHOICES.

If we feel stuck, and afraid, and worthless: we will make choices that reflect the sentiment

When we are reminded of our sacred essence within, that depends not on the walls around you, the roof above you, the wheels beneath you, the clothes adorning you, the food you do or don't have around you--

it depends on ONE thing: your heart (mind)

(In Buddhism: the heart and mind are referred to as one component, the heart-mind. In the West, we struggle to release our rational mind, and feel "best" when we are ABLE to identify, label, sort, ... it seems to make us feel "in control" and therefore: good

the truth?

surrender.

that's really the best feeling.

Somehow my mind starts in a spiritual realm then imagines sheriffs, I don't mean that sort of surrender.

I mean: to release the thinking mind

I mean: to say, "thank you brain, thank you: word-forming, conclusion-drawing, cognitive capacity I have been blessed with--

thank you for the certainty I seem to experience, when I am able to "make sense" of something, and sort it within my mind in a way that fits.

more powerful than this mind, though (in buddhism, they also say we have many minds) is the part of the self that simply NOTICES, because, again, if we are certain, we are not open.

if we are to learn, we must be, in some way: open to doing so, willing to admit we don't know it all (HELLLLOOOO if we knew for sure what was going on there would be nothing to figure out, how boring)

I think being honest about what we can be certain of, helps tremendously. Quite often I find myself upset by something I read, or heard, and allow my mind and body to assume an agitated, defensive response. The truth is, though, I don't know.

I do not KNOW how many unwatched children are stolen, daily, to support the adrenochrome industry.

I do not KNOW if typing things like this helps increase awareness, and might save a life (#WWG1WGA), or increase the likelihood I am murdered.

To be aware is always a dangerous thing.

As long as we have recorded history, and despite the effort to quiet and disappear these stories, we KNOW that standing up against any industry can get you killed.

So what if we sit down, against every (industry).

seriously.

what if: for one day, for ONE, twenty-four hour chapter: we sit still

the conditioning erupts in me: people will feel guilty, they will say
"I have to go to work, I have to pay my bills

they will say, "I don't have time, to sit still? and do nothing??

and I will quote the guy who said: if you don't think you have thirty minutes to meditate, you should meditate for two hours.

You see, the caveat is that OUR MIND decides, has determined: there is no time,

I must keep moving.

the reality: an unfocused, undisciplined mind is only capable of destruction.

This sort of mind is reactive, quick to judge and quick to assert an "inkling," an impression, a first impulse: as fact

it is a fear based mind, and it is what we do when we WANT certainty, and don't want to admit: that might not exist

I am certain of one thing: there is breath in my lungs, and I do not feel owed (or entitled to) this breath, this life. It is a gift, a blessing, and anybody could pull the rip cord at any moment.

Finally: I don't want to disappear

I don't doubt the part of me that make me unique, I say thank you.

Thank you, dad, for taking me to tai chi classes and the meditation center.

Thank you, mom, for embodying a female refusing to heal.

Thank you, to anybody who has reminded me that I am not able to influence, inform, or dictate the thoughts inside anybody else's mind. I can tell the truth, my truth, my whole truth, and still be met with lies. Grown adults TELLING ME: who I am,

unaware I do know: we only see from our minds,

so if this is what you see, in me, whatever you see, however you experience me:

very sincerely highlights the level of thinking YOU are operating from, not me.

i am thinking, dreaming, really,

constantly.

and I can't wait to get back, I can't wait to let go of this big fight of proving myself to those DETERMINED to misunderstand me,

I can't wait to forget about all the voices, real and imagined, telling me what I can't do.

It takes so much effort, to remind yourself: nobody knows what they are doing

and VERY FEW acknowledge our free will.

idk guys, it kinda feels like "if you don't use it, you lose it (??

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